Trina's Tides are Turning

Ok, I was a little upset with myself for how much I spent today, and then I realized about half the stuff I bought was for other people, and about a quarter of the stuff is for my dorm room. Now I don't feel so bad. :D

It's funny; I used to be the only person I knew with a birthday in the summer time. All of my then "friends" had birthdays in the late fall or winter. Now, I believe I have sent well over 20 birthday cards this summer, and I'm not done yet! Plus, all the presents I've gotten for some people...it's craziness. Well, at least that means maybe it'll calm down once the fall comes...:)

During my lunch break today, I went to the mall to look for a Stitch doll at the Disney Store. I went a couple of weeks ago with my mom (she promised she'd buy me one), but they were all sold out and waiting for their latest shipment. Well, I must have had a special ESP this morning or something, because I randomly decided to go check today, and the shipment came in this morning! I love that type of service! And to top it off, I found everything I wanted to find this afternoon on my after-work errands. Very happy Twinkie. :)

Oh, I also did very well eating today. Had my shakes for breakfast and lunch, 1/2 a muffin between that as a little snack, nutrition bar for early dinner, then a little later I ate some peaches with cottage cheese. Very proud. :)

Guess what, guess what, guess what??? I FOUND TWINKIE PAJAMAS TODAY!!! Well, they were in the men's department at Target, but I STILL found them! And they have nicely found their way into my collection. Now I just have to get the boxers to complete the set! (Had those, too) ;)

Yay, I got a letter from Tina today!!! :D

A few weeks ago I sent her a card, just asking how everything's going and hoping she was having a great summer. She's a good friend that I really miss. I hope I get to see her soon, Miss Graduate! :)

This is the second graphic calculator that I have owned and "misplaced." Don't run cheap, either. Great.

Food Update

These past few days were total "binge days". Definitely did NOT watch what I ate, ate enough for three people at dinner alone on Wednesday, and I didn't take the hint any time when I felt sick after eating too much. Alas, these are the problems with family vacations.

I completely lost all will power in two seconds to pig out for four days straight. From what I can remember, this is what I ate: 2 BK Whoppers, 6 silver dollar pancakes, 1 strawberry belgian waffle, 2 small crab dip sandwiches, 1 small salad (possibly the only healthy thing on my menu), 1 club sandwich, 1 piece of peach and apple cobbler, 1 huge piece of strawberry shortcake, 4 handfuls of caramel popcorn, 1 box of Jujyfruits, 1/2 bag gummi bears, 3 small bags of pretzels, 1 Applebee's Cowboy burger, 1 Checker's Chicken Burger, about 5 or 6 servings of french fries, and other stuff that I can't remember. Anyone feel sick yet?

Anyway, today I'm going back. Finally. Yay for will power. Just please stay this time, just for a little bit?

I bought a planner a few weeks ago for school (yes, already). It is already filled with stuff I have to do this upcoming semester. That doesn't include RA stuff. *sigh*

Country or City Girl?

For years now, I've been trying to figure out what would be the best place for me when I go off on my own. (Yes, years, I think way too ahead of the game.) I've always wanted to have a house kind of in the country, with trees all around, a big backyard, and possibly on a lake. However, I've always seen myself walking the streets of a big city lined with stores, high rises, and filled with people. I've never been able to make up my mind; I like both ideas. The only conclusion I HAVE come to is that I hate being stuck in the middle.

Rockville is just not the place I want to be. It's not small, but it's not entirely big, either. Sure, a few years ago it was the 3rd largest populated city in Maryland, but that's not saying much when number one is Baltimore or something like that. Big difference in those two cities. Rockville is just too...middle.

Ha, speaking of moving to the countryside or the big city, my dad told me the other day that (not in a bad way...ha) we'll all be happy when I move out. And he also told me that nothing is really holding me back now. I always thought that they'd make me stay at home until I was finished with school; truth is they would like me to stay at home for as long as I need to, but if I have the opportunity to move out and I have the provisions I need to do so, then I can just move out. I was actually quite shocked by this, but it actually made me happy to know that I'm not actually tied down in Middle Land. Well, I still kind of am (HELLO, not enough financial independence yet), but more "not tied down" by the fact that I have the choice to leave. Kinda scary, yet kinda exciting.

Alright, as I said in my last post, I was on vacation from Wednesday to Saturday in Williamsburg, VA. I figured I'd just fill you in a little bit on how it went.

First of all, we didn't go for Colonial Williamsburg; we went for Busch Gardens and Water Country, USA. It was rainy the whole time we were down there, but it was still pretty okay. It was me, my mom, dad, and brother. We didn't go on as many rides as I hoped to at either park, but that's alright. I'll just have to make my own vacation for next summer. ;) Of course, if I did that, it would definitely be Colonial Williamsburg, but anyway.

Highlight of the trip: We went to Applebee's for lunch one day, and my brother ordered buffalo wings. He devoured those suckers; we asked Trevor if he wanted to get any dessert or anything, and he replied, "No, I want to keep this taste in my mouth as long as possible."

Guess they were really good buffalo wings. :D

I was on vacation the past four days in Williamsburg, VA. In Williamsburg, these were the states I saw on license plates (in four days, mind you):

Alabama Arizona California
Colorado Delaware Florida
Georgia Idaho Illinois
Indiana Iowa Maine
Missouri Mississippi Massachusetts
Maryland Michigan Connecticut
New Jersey New York New Mexico
Nevada New Hampshire North Carolina
North Dakota Oregon Oklahoma
Rhode Island South Carolina Tennessee
Texas Pennsylvania Washington
West Virginia Wisconsin Virginia

That is 36 different states...all of these spotted in the city of Williamsburg, VA. 23 of them alone were seen on Wednesday! (Ooh, don't forget D.C.'s license plate!) Yes, I know, how sad is it I did this during my vacation? Well, it was very rainy the whole time, so there wasn't much else to do. Plus the fact that it is QUITE interesting to find people from that many different states congregating all in one little city on the East Coast. Go Williamsburg!

Alright, random tidbit, just wanted to share.

I needed a new toothbrush, and my mom said we had some in the bathroom. So I went to get one, and the only new one we had left was pink. I have only blue toothbrushes as far back as I can remember. This is going to be really weird.

Oh, well, can't be choosy when being sanitary! ;)

This is on a shirt in one of the catalogs I received this afternoon...

The Recipe for Mr. Right:
~ 10 oz. irresistible smile
~ 150 lbs. successful
~ 2 pints devilish
~ a pinch of gorgeous
~ 3 cups of sense of humor
~ 2 tablespoons of honesty
~ 10 oz. of great kisser
~ 2 lbs. bank roll
~ 1 pair of dreamy eyes
~ 5 pinches of romance
~ 12 oz. athletic

I totally do not agree with this silly thing...I mean, come on, only 2 tablespoons honesty? Ugh. And only 3 cups of sense of humor?!? What do I look like, a statue? :D

Yeah, this thing was all in fun, and hopefully whoever actually buys that shirt realizes that it doesn't take a multi-millionare Josh Hartnett look alike to be Mr. Right. Because I believe we call those people...hmm, shallow? Either that or maybe they just got lucky...with their shallowness. ;)

http://disney.store.go.com/DSSectionPage.process?Section_Id=13761&Product_Id=109774

Check this out to see a really really super cool Goofy collectible. (I tried creating a link, but it didn't work. Just copy and paste if you wish.)

Oh, and while I'm at it: Happy 70th Birthday Goofy!!!! Ok, can you tell I'm a Goofy fan? :D

And guess what else? Somebody's finally going to go get their very own copy of their favorite Disney movie...happy 10th anniversary, Beauty and the Beast. :)

Wow, it only took me about half an hour to write that, thanks to my dad calling me downstairs because he didn't want to answer the phone and to ask me a stupid question that he could ask the person he's asking about in the first place. *Shakes head* Whatever. :)

This morning my radio station was talking about last night's episode of Sex and the City. They mentioned that the character Charlotte says everyone has two loves; in other words, every one has two soul mates, or two chances to find that true love. Anyway, they had people calling into the station just stating their opinion on this theory and what their own beliefs were in the category of romance. I wouldn't even bother mentioning all of this if it weren't for one lady that doesn't believe in soul mates, true loves, or marrying for love in general.

No, this lady called in to say that people should marry just for stability and support in the long run rather than love. The morning show hosts asked her if what she meant was basically people should be looking to marry a business partner rather than a lover, and she said yes. I was just a little annoyed that someone believes a person should marry just for the sake of stability in the present and future. Sorry folks, but I don't believe that's quite what life is all about. There are just way too many surprises around each corner and milestone for people not to take chances, especially when it comes to love. If someone's marrying a "business partner", than what's the point of marriage? Shoot, even the wedding vows state "to love and to cherish for as long as you both shall live." Um, duh.

Now, I believe in respecting other's opinions, and I will always listen to them no matter how different they are from mine. But that doesn't mean that I have to agree with them...at all. Especially when that opinion even contradicts the whole idea in the first place. Like I said, what's the point of marriage if you're not willing to risk love?

This lady also said that the United States has become too...I think she said romantic. She said way too many people are looking for love, and not support. Um, hello...if people are looking for love, I believe support kind of comes with the package. It's like a meal deal: you order love, and you automatically get support and a side order of happiness. I mean, if someone were to look for a "business partner" for stability and what not, leave them just as that, a business partner. A lover, spouse, soul mate, true love, whatever you want to call your [future] significant other, is just that: someone to cherish, love, respect, take care of, support, and honor for as long as you both shall live. I feel sorry for that lady because she doesn't see that. But then again, that's her decision now, isn't it? The woman that called in after "business partner lady" stated that she believes in the two true love theory, because she was married for 12 years, divorced, lived single for another 12 or so years, then met the love of her life. Hmm, so is that a business partner, too? ;)

I believe in the one true love rule. Think about it: if you have two "true loves" or soul mates, then was the first one really true? Soul mates I think can be stretched a bit, if you're talking about a significant other AND a best friend or something of the sort. But there can really only be ONE true love.

Hmm...can you see this is an important issue to me? :) What's your take, people? Soul Mate or Business Partner?

Ok, the past five days or so have been complete anti-good food days. I mean, I've been REALLY bad. Of course, while being really bad I found a really delicious platter of onion rings and special dipping sauce, that just screams CALORIES! FAT! GREASE! CHOLESTEROL! Yes, my family and I ate dinner at Red Robin on Friday night, and we ordered an Onion Tower, which is just a huge tower of twelve onion rings, getting bigger as you go down. The tower comes with two different types of sauces, one I believe is a ranch-type dip, and the other I have no idea but it is SOOOOOO tasty. So, if you ever have a craving to just give in to your cholesterol-filled, fatty inhibitions, Red Robin is the place to go for the yummiest onion rings and dip. Yum. :)

Anyway, I'm back to good for me food. Wish me luck again! :D

From now on, I am no longer allowed to look at anything, um...homey. I went to Linens N Things to find some big pillows for my dorm room and I passed by the dishes, glasses, etc., and wanted so badly to buy some. Is that so wrong, to want to buy dish sets for your home that you don't even have yet? Am I crazy or what?

For the past few years I have become really obsessed with housewares and stupid stuff like that. Last summer my mom said she was toying with the idea of a "hope chest", which would be just a big chest that we would start filling with linens, dishes, anything that could be used the day I move out on my own and have my own home. She hasn't quite put that idea into motion, but that doesn't stop me from looking at all those patterns, colors, and textures out there. I don't even want to pick something that my future roommate or fiance/husband may hate, but it is just SO tempting for me to look at that stuff.

And the REALLY stupid thing about me looking at and wanting housewares is the fact that it actually upsets me to look at it all! Looking at the stuff makes me want to be done with school, out on my own; it makes me want to have a home somewhere, someplace that I can call my own and not the place "with my parents". So yes, basically I'm saying that tonight I went to Linens N things to look for pillows, saw dishes and wanted to cry. *Sigh* Alas, tis the life of a nineteen year-old wanting to be 23 or 24. Only 4 or 5 more years....I guess I can wait. :)

Ok, from taking a small adventure to the mall with my family, I have stumbled upon two very important, yet very random facts.

1) My family is completely backwards. Typically, women take all the time in the world to find and try on, like, two things. The guys are supposed to be the people that take five minutes to find what they want and spend the rest of the time waiting impatiently for the woman to find that "perfect" item. My family? No. In the time span it took for my dad to find one pair of pants (WITH my mom helping, mind you), I was able to go into Hallmark, Claire's, K B Toys, The Discovery Channel Store, JC Penney, Parade of Shoes, and back to JC Penney. While I was in JC Penney, I even tried on 7 or 8 different things before my dad even got INTO the mens department! I mean, WOW! This took forever. So much for stereotypes!

2) I do not, I repeat DO NOT, want to give my future husband my cell phone number. My dad calls my mom randomly, and it always ends up while she's driving, where her purse is out of the reach and the ring is oh-so-annoying. Tonight, since he and my brother met us at the mall, they were in a separate car. He called us once we left the mall to tell us he was pulling off to get gas. Did we REALLY need to know that? We'd see him eventually! He calls to see if we left work yet. He calls to see if my mom's picking up Trevor (they discuss this before we leave in the morning). He calls to tell my mom he's going somewhere. He calls to see if she's going anywhere. If it were really that important, I believe SHE would call. I don't think anyone will have a conniption (sp?) if my father pulls off for two minutes to get gas in the car. Therefore, I shall write my future hubby a letter stating that I would rather him not call me for such useless information. I will allow phone calls that tell me something important that will alter the chain of events later that day or week or whenever; I will allow calls if he wants to offer to do something for me because I am really busy and he would like to be nice; I will allow calls if he thinks he's going to be late or is in trouble (car problems or something) and didn't want me to sit at home worrying forever; and I will allow calls that say "I love you." Anything insignificant or un-life changing, please keep them to yourself, Mr. Future.

Ok, those are my two important facts for today. Oh, and no Song Thought. My bad.

Song Thought for the Day:

"Help me carry on. Assure me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes to navigate the darkness. Will the ending be ever coming suddenly? Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?"

~Hoobastank, "Crawling in the Dark"

This song quote ACTUALLY correlates with my thoughts at the moment. Just being such a young age and being so confused and unsure with everything that's going on around you makes you wonder if you'll have a happy ending or a sad one. And sometimes it's hard to remember just to use your heart instead of your eyes to choose what you want. Try closing your eyes sometime and thinking about what you want...you'll realize it's a whole lot easier than picking something that's right in your view. And sometimes what's in view isn't always the best for you. Ok, that's a big ramble....time to go now. :)

Ok, here's a Song Thought for the Day...same band, too:

"'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and, even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright, alright with me. 'Cause I want nothing more than sitting outside heaven's door an listen to you breathing...that's where I want be."

~Lifehouse, "Breathing"

P.S. ~ Thanks to a wonderful friend, I wouldn't have even known the name of the silly song until they looked up the lyrics for me. Then later I was smart enough to just check the CD case. :D

I've been bad the past two days and have eaten a good handful (or 5) of reeses pieces. I never realized I missed candy THAT much! Anyway, yesterday I had a bad case of a "sugar high". Believe me, it was horrible. I was getting up from my desk, running up and practically jumping off the wall. I had to be careful, though; didn't want to put my foot through the dry wall! Anyway, I finally calmed down when my coworker left. It's not as fun being crazy-like when there's no one around to watch you. ;)

Ok, today's Song Thought for the Day is more just a full-blown song than a thought. I just really like the song. :D

Find me here, speak to me. I want to feel you.
I need to hear you; you are the light that is leading me
To the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength that keeps me walking;
You are the hope that keeps me trusting.
You are the life to my soul; you are my purpose; you are everything.
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms; you give me rest;
You hold me in your hands.
You won't let me fall; you still my heart and take my breath away.
Would you take me in, would you take me deeper now?
'Cause you're all I want; you are all I need;
You are everything.
Everything.

~ Lifehouse, "Everything"

See, isn't that just a nice song? :)

Song Thought for the Day:

"Because of you, I forgot the smart ways to lie. Because of you, I'm running out of reasons to cry. When the friends are gone, when the party's over, we'll still belong to each other."

~ Shakira, "Underneath Your Clothes"

I ate a cookie after lunch today, and it actually made me feel sick. Maybe my eating habits ARE changing for the better.

At work, I've noticed something really funny dealing with address labels. Now, obviously on address labels, most people, if married, have both the wife and husband's name on the label, and if they're single it's only their name (duh, just stating the obvious). However, there's another way to show someone's married or single based on the way they address their envelopes.

All the single men that have sent in envelopes either have plain jane, white labels with plain black font or they wrote it on quickly themselves. All married men have labels with cutesy rainbows, little creatures, and flowers. Gee, wonder if that's a woman's touch? ;)

By the way, to anyone who gets bummed because they never remember a dream, don't take it to heart. Actually celebrate over the fact that you don't remember! It's out that if you remember a good chunk of your dreams, you may not be getting the type of sleep you need. Since dreams take place in the REM stage, remembering your dreams means that this REM is being disrupted, causing you to be more tired, cranky, and just overall not too cool to your body. So, sweet unremembered dreams everyone! ;)

I bought the Lilo and Stitch soundtrack today. It's filled with songs from Elvis Presley and a Hawaiian chorus, but the main reason I got the CD was because it had a fun remake of the song "Can't Help Falling in Love" from Elvis, sang by A*Teens on the sdtk (whoever they are). It's funny the songs that just get me dancing...they're so incredibly random, too. But, I guess it's good to have variety in what makes you happy. It just means many things can make me happy. I think that's a great thing to have. Hmm, that makes me...happy. :D

Oh, and by the way, can I just say how cute Jackie is? I hope she doesn't mind me copying and pasting, but I just wanted to share. (I'd just put the link on here, but I'm not computer literate enough to do that yet...anybody like to help me? Let me know!) Here goes :D :

(July 13th blog entry)
"This is why i love my baby:
Darkcon66: on a randon note i was running through the house today screaming "i love jackie" for no apperent reason
apparently, this was how he spent his time yesterday : ) "

Jackie and Brian are just too cute. Nuff said. :D

With most things, I think of a few possible outcomes or ways something could end. So naturally, I think of what some of the outcomes can be for me in the future.

For the past couple of years, I've thought of what life would be like once I got out of college (yes, I was thinking about this before I even started college...I'm just weird like that.). I thought about what kind of job I would have, if I'd be at home or living elsewhere, and would I be alone, with a roommate, or with a steady partner. The one I've always thought was the most plausible was living at home with my parents for a few years following my graduation, seeing as how my expected future career will not be able to pay for anything else.

However, for some reason I can't get this one possible outcome out of my head...I can just see it happening, and I don't know whether or not it would make me sad or if I would just be content. What I picture the most is after college, I'll still be single, I'll be living in my own small apartment, and I'll have a routine downpat. I can see myself doing the same thing everyday: waking up at the same time every morning (even weekends), eating at the same time everyday, working the same hours everyday, getting home at the same time, sitting down to read a little of a book or newspaper at the same time every evening, cleaning a little at the same time, doing the same things every weekend, and falling asleep at the same time each night.

It's actually quite depressing to think about, at least right now. I couldn't possibly imagine having a life filled with routine activities. My life needs a little spontaneity here and there, and I'd hate if my life ended up in a giant routine. What's worse is that I picture the being alone and on my own the most, living the most conservative life imaginable. No dates, no hanging out with friends all that often, not even seeing family that often. Just being stuck in an endless routine of doing things by myself. Well, if that ever happened, at least I'd be independent. But for my sake, let's hope that my future in a few years doesn't turn out that way. ;)

Last night, I hung out with Rachel, Jane, and a couple of Jane's friends for a little while. After dinner we went to play at a little playground near the restaurant we went to...and while we were there playing with all the fun, really random equipment, Rachel blurts out, "Trina, you have abs!"

My response? "Um...honey, everyone has abs. I just usually don't like showing mine."

I know what she meant...it was just kinda, well, funny. :D

Song Thought for the Day:

"He says his life is filled with all these good intentions; he's left a lot of things he'd rather not mention right now; just before he says goodnight...he looks up with a little smile at me and he says: 'If I could be like that, I would give anything just to live one day in those shoes. If I could be like that, what would I do? What would I do...' "

~3 Doors Down, "Be Like That"

Oh, the main point of the last post was to state how bored I was at a cookout today. Since I guess I'm not quite considered an adult by everyone just yet, I'm not really included in those conversations. I don't exactly want to hang out with my cousins (aged 9, 7, and 4), and I see my brother enough at home as it is. I'm just kind of stuck there doing nothing, and not having any fun.

Today wasn't the greatest day. I'm hoping it gets better since I'm supposed to go hang out with a friend tonight. But anyway, it wasn't such a great day because my feelings were really hurt by my 4 year-old cousin today. I know that kids say the darndest things, and that they don't always realize that what they say can hurt, but there should be a limit to what they say. He was calling me some weird name, and I asked him why he was calling me that, only to have the response, "Because I hate you," finished by a smile and him happily running away. I hope I wasn't expected to just put on a false grin and walk away, because that really hurt. I've never actually been told that someone hates me before, so it was really hard hearing it come from a relative, of all people, especially one which I hardly ever see. But like I said, I guess kids just say the darndest things.

I'm not liking my age too much right now. Well, the age is fine, it's more the people around me that make me not like it so much. Why do I say that? Just because it seems as if the people around me are either 9 and under or 29 and over...no one is even close to my ripe young age of 19. It kinda sounds like a special curse or something...I mean, that's how my the ages work in my family and at the office I work at. No one is near my age at all, and it makes it really difficult to enjoy gatherings, lunches, and conversations when no one relates. Or better yet, no one can understand.

It seems that anyone between the ages of 16 and 27/28 seem to have this special language or communication with each other. For people in this age range, have you ever noticed how much easier it is to talk with and hang out with people around your age? The conversations aren't filled with too much life experience, they're not filled with loads of talk about getting to be "old", they're not filled with talk about families or kids or the difficulties of juggling a family with a career...no, the conversations we have are mostly laid back, random, fun, about what we're going to do tomorrow night, how relationships and the dating scene are going, stuff like that. I'm kind of just stuck in the middle while I'm at home.

Hmm, maybe this is why I really, really want to go back to school now.

Alright, so I've decided that from now on, if I hear a song during the day that I feel is singing exactly what I'm thinking at that moment, I'll share it with you (well, at least a quote from it). Here's the one for today:

"If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go. Way up high, and down low, I'll go wherever you will go."

~ The Calling, "Wherever You Will Go"

A friend asked me why I switched the name of my blog from "Words in the Life of Princess Confusion" to "Knee-Deep Thoughts". I just didn't want to sound like I was confusing ALL the time anymore. Sure, I'm confusing/confused pretty much 90% or more of the time, but that doesn't mean I can't make sense every once in a while.

I changed it because it appears that my more recent posts are semi-thought out and contemplated. It's more about learning, thinking, and growing than it is about just being confused. I mean, what I'm learning is actually understandable to me. ;) Besides, I figured change is good every once in a while. :)

I just ended the past two paragraphs with the same phrase. Wow. Somebody need a little variety in their life? I think so. :)

Ok, so the last post wasn't exactly about changing my self-views as I mentioned earlier, but here ya go now.

This summer has been like a giant epiphany. For many years I have struggled with infinite depressed feelings, negative views towards myself, focusing on all my faults, never having any self-esteem, and not doing things that I really wanted to go out and do. These past couple of months while being at home, I have done many things to change all of that. And it's really been working. Granted, I have had the help of a few very important people, that without them I believe my change wouldn't have been possible.

I've finally come to terms (95%, at least) with what I've got. Well, at least physically, I mean. I've always known I won't ever fit into those little size 2 jeans that so many petite women can...I was never built that way. I actually love the height I am at, even if I do mention wanting to be shorter or taller now and then. 5'7" is actually a great place to be. :) It's been exactly a month since I've seriously began watching what I eat. Low-fat, low-sodium, low-sugar items. I actually look at the nutrition labels now before purchasing. I finally started working out again, too. I don't even need a gym to do sit-ups, squats, leg lifts, etc., and I have my own hand weights. Who needs local when you have private? :)

I've accepted the fact that I won't have perfectly sculpted abs, hips, thighs, calves, butt, etc., but that doesn't mean I can't look good. Or at least FEEL good for that matter. There's always someone out there that you look better than. There's always something out there that can make you feel good about yourself, no matter how plain or small and simple it is. Before, the only thing I liked about myself was the color of my eyes; with the help of a couple people now I realize that maybe I have a few more things that are great about me.

Another thing; I read some wonderful advice in a magazine a few days ago. It said to flaunt what you know you have, because someone out there is brave enough to flaunt what they have, and they may just look a little bit worse than you. That doesn't mean they don't FEEL awesome about his/herself. The little old lady across the street from my grandma's house does garden work in a tube top...even the elderly have confidence. I think I'm finally gaining that self-esteem and confidence myself.

Now if only I could get working on my leadership skills...I guess that's what friends and my upcoming RA job at school are for to challenge me. ;)

Alright, I'm quoting myself tonight...it's a good one, too:

"It's hard having to use my brain all the time."

Horrible, ain't it?

I really have a whole crap load of stuff I want to write about, I just keep forgetting to do so...sorry guys! Don't worry, tomorrow, I promise. :)

I have introduced my mom to the wonderful world of capri pants. No longer must she worry about having to find pants long enough to fit her extremely long legs. Welcome, Mom. :D

Note to Self: Next blog entry about changing self-views.

I guess I should mention my progress in the "eating healthy" project of mine...

It's been about a month, and I'm doing really well. It was rough the first couple of weeks, because I was so afraid of eating any kind of junk food that I was almost freaking out. Then I realized (with a little help) that it's alright to "splurge" once in a while, just as long as it's in moderation. So, I allow myself a little splurge about once a week. I mean, this past week I had a small piece of cake at someone's going-away party, and I had a cookie yesterday. That's my meaning of "splurge."

Anyway, I finally gained the motivation to actually start moving around and DOING something active, no matter how small it may be. In the past month, I've done various random exercises: crunches, squats, leg lifts, gym, walking w/weights, jogging w/weights, tennis, dancing, yoga, and stuff like that. Talk about variety! :)

So, to make a long story short (too late), I'm doing quite well in watching myself with eating and exercise. Go me! :D

A couple of weeks ago, Amy put up on her profile that she wanted everyone to share with her what they were thankful for. After a couple weeks of forgetting to do so, I was thankful to finally remember to e-mail her everything I am thankful for! :D Then I thought about it, and I figured I might as well share them with everyone. Mind you, this little list I compiled is just that...little. This is not nearly everything I am thankful for; this is just the stuff I could think of in the time I had.

It would actually be nice to hear a few things you were thankful for, too, even if they are the same as mine. :)

I am thankful for a loving family.
I am thankful for a really close relationship with my mom that everyone else is jealous about. :)
I am thankful for having a house to live in and food to eat everyday.
I am thankful for the fact that I have five fully usable senses.
I am thankful for the opportunities that have been presented to me throughout my life.
I am thankful for the chances I've been given to do something right, or to do something at all.
I am thankful for clean slates that have been presented to me to start fresh and anew.
I am thankful for past experiences to learn from my mistakes.
I am thankful for the lessons given to me by family, friends, and mentors, whether or not they meant to give them to me. :)
I am thankful for the opportunity to make new friends, better friends, that may actually care about what I'm thinking from time to time.
I am thankful for the miracles that occur when you least expect them.
I am thankful for the fact that even a person I've never met can put a smile on my face.
I am thankful for the fact that at least one person out there thinks I'm special.
I am thankful for the fact that I KNOW everyone is special in their own way.
I am thankful for the will power I have recently discovered in myself.
I am thankful for the strength I have to travel almost 200 miles from home and not get homesick.
I am thankful for the knowledge that even though I don't get homesick, I still can't wait to see my family when the time comes.
I am thankful for the fact that I am given enough freedom to choose what I want to do, yet have conscience enough to let my parents know where I am at all times.
I am thankful to know that someone wants to know what I'm thankful for! ;)

I want to be on my own, yet I don't want to be alone. Does that make sense? I believe so.

See, I want to be on my own in the sense that I'm no longer living under the roof of my parents (which technically isn't even owned by my parents). However, I don't want to be out on my own alone. It's amazing the thinking you possess when you're in the "middle stage"; you're so absolutely confused because you want to be independent without having to worry about anything. You want to be grown up without having to deal with "grown up" things. You want to have everything paid for you yet still be free.

I have my car insurance, my cell phone, and my school basically paid for me. I want to start doing things on my own, but that's such a big responsibility to take on when I don't even have a steady income. Yes, I actually want to start paying for that stuff myself. But I guess I'll take advantage of the fact that my parents offered to pay for it while they can. Ahh, I'll have to write more later...just got bombarded by IMs!! :D

One Last Thought For The Night.

I'm thinking about renaming this thing. I want something a little more down to earth, something that doesn't exactly scream *CONFUSION*. Any ideas?

Ok, so I TOTALLY just did one of my funky mind connections in that last blog, but that made me think of something else I really want to write about...sorry if I'm boring all of you, but it's your choice to read, you silly people! :)

Today's topic (well, one of many, I guess): my mom, and why she is so cool. I grew up through late elementary school, middle and high school with my friends telling how cool my mom is. They see me talking to her all the time about anything and everything, and want to know how it's so easy for me to do that. It's because my mom is just so cool. I mean, even my friends can come and talk to my mom. There's been a few times where Rachel would come over and my mom would just start talking to us, and Rachel would start talking about a guy or an issue she's having, and my mom would just listen, give advice, make jokes, and just be cool. Then Rachel would wonder why she couldn't talk to her mom like that. (Now, I'm sure she could if she tried hard enough, but that's not my point) It's because my mom is just cool like that.

Growing up with the fashions that have succeeded our generation has been like hell frozen over, trends flashing by at the speed of light. In the eighties it was the ponytails on the side of your head, the t-shirt ties, leggings, funky-colored clothes, and all sorts of stuff. No matter what happened, my mom just made sure that I looked cute. When I was about 6 or 7, my mom told me if I wanted to, I could start picking out what I wanted to wear. So basically, my kiddie wardrobe was anti-gooberish at all times, thanks to my cool mom. As I started hitting 9 and 10, I started wanting to wear stuff a little more "in fashion", I guess, so she let me pick out my school clothes, and got ideas from stuff I cut out from catalogs and magazines. Of course, since my mom was cool, I was always wanted to wear what she bought me. Well, because my mom is just so super cool, she's always been able to (and still can) pick out styles that I like, that I will wear, and that I think look cute, fun, or nice. She's not one of those moms that tells me to cover up EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Instead, she knows what other young adults are wearing out there, and she knows that most of the stuff I wear covers more than other girls' shirts and shorts combined, so she trusts my judgment, and also buys me those cute little tank tops or dresses. Shoot, even when we go shopping she'll tell me something's cute or would look good on me. Why? Because my mom is cool.

How many people out there can say they enjoy going to the mall with their mom? Most people probably go with Mom, only to split up and meet back later. I like to stay with my mom, just because she's cool (plus, she likes most of the stores I like, too). My mom doesn't try to hold stuff back from me. She doesn't wait until I can't hear her to curse (not like she curses often anyway); she realizes I can hear it in many other places as well, so no reason to "hide" it from me. She's just her natural self, going with the flow, being upfront and to the point. If she wants to complain, she complains. If she has a joke, she tells me. She shares everything with me. Why? Because she's cool.

I've actually gotten someone quite fascinated with my relationship with my mom recently. It seems that it's impossible to believe that someone can be that close to their mom. I don't think I'm close enough. My mom's just so cool that I could probably tell her ANYTHING (even though I don't, believe me), and she wouldn't think different of me (at least in a negative way, I mean). Mom has just made sure to be different than her mom in raising her kids and living her life. I'm not saying that my grandma is bad or lives a bad life or anything, I'm just saying that my mom chose and chooses to live life HER way. Those two generations are almost nothing like each other; Mom and I, on the other hand, are almost the same person. Mom just doesn't put on a front, and I think that is totally cool. At work, she'll joke around with the people that are fun and friendly, she'll be either polite or blunt to the employees that aren't as comical. She doesn't pretend to be nice if someone isn't doing their job or is being rude themselves; she'll come right out and be rude back. Do onto others as you would want others to do unto you.

Ok, so I've been rambling WAY too much. But do you get the point? My mom's cool. :D

Is it weird to miss someone you haven't even met? :D

I'm missing everyone from LC, too. I'm enjoying the time at home, making money and sleeping in on weekends, but I would really like to be back at school so I can have my own "mini-home", more independence from parents, and most importantly, my friends! I'll enjoy being able to make 1 am the norm for beddy-bye and being able to wake up in good shape, I'll enjoy having that free gym at my fingertips, I'll enjoy the midnight runs to Sheetz and Walmart (fyi, I only did the Sheetz run once), and I'll enjoy being able to have my friends in my room all weekend if I want. But the restrictions placed on an almost non-teenaged girl at home! GRR!

Aww, that sounds bad. Actually, I really do have a lot of freedoms at home. (Wow, this is appropriate, I'm conquering my freedoms as an individual at home AND freedom of speech all in one day! And on July 4th at THAT!) I have my own car, and my parents no longer ask me where I'm going when I say, "I'll be back." Naturally, as a good daughter should, I tell them where I'm going and that I have my cell with me should they need me. I guess they figure I'm old enough to be responsible for such things, so they don't worry nearly as much anymore. Maybe they also realize that while I'm at school, all restrictions are off, and my decisions are entirely in my hands. It's a good thing for them that I have a really good conscience, otherwise I'd be Miss Rebel while so far away! ;) I think I've just been able to let them build up a great deal of trust in me. 99% of the times I went out, either on dates or just hanging out with friends in the past, I've been home by midnight. Only once did I plan on being out past midnight, and I checked with mis padres first for consent. Like I said before, I tell them where I'm going, and if we plan on going somewhere else while we're out, I'll call and tell my parents so. I let them know when I'll be at work, so they don't have to worry about where I am from time A to time B. Plus, I try to let them know what's going on in my life. I think that's one of the big reasons they have so much trust in me. I try to keep them updated, especially while at school, so they're not left out on what's going on, and they know what their little girl has been up to. It's kind of nice to have such trust...I don't hear many people saying that about themselves. Ok, so I guess I'm rambling/bragging now. But you know what? I don't brag too often about myself (well, don't brag 98% of the time...the other 2% is accidental.), so I'll brag now: my parents know I'm a good kid. :)

In regards to the last post: don't worry, it takes *A LOT* to really tick me off...and for those pet peeves, it really has to be a repetitive action for me to get really irritated. Especially the late thing. Of course, when a class doesn't start because you are waiting on someone (or the class stops because someone walks in late ALL the time) or when a task can't be done at work because someone constantly comes in late, that will become quite a problem.

Just be courteous people. Respect and manners are some things that this country has learned to forget. Have you ever seen someone get mad at someone else for being on time or getting things done instead of bothering people? I don't think so.

I've been thinking about pet peeves for the past few days. I've been trying to think of what bothers me most in life, or with people, so maybe I can try to prevent myself from getting irritated or something. In other words, maybe there's a way I can prevent that action from happening, or just learn to ignore it altogether. Now, ignoring it is very difficult, but I have been able to come up with a few things...most of them, I realized, are in the work place. These pet peeves I am about to mention can come up in a few situations, such as school, or a scheduled activity, but it REALLY suits the work place setting.

The first pet peeve I have is when people are late. I am not saying that an accidental lateness or "emergency sprung" lateness will bother me...it has to be repetitive. If you are supposed to come in at work at a certain time everyday, you best be there by that time, or at least have a REALLY good excuse as to why you are late. Constant traffic is no excuse; leave your home sooner. I know someone who is always late, by at least an hour or more every day. He thinks it's ok because he's busy almost every night, but that's his choice. (I have many issues about this guy, but I will keep them to myself; no one needs to hear my complaints TOO much.) This problem can occur in many places, just like school. Classes? What, they're supposed to start ON TIME? No way!

The second pet peeve I have is lazyness. (Again, same guy this time. Maybe it's just HIM.) Lazyness is no excuse not to do something. This situation in particular has to deal with health issues. This guy...I'll call him Mr. L (for lazy, duh) would rather go downstairs and get Ho-ho's and Cheetos for lunch instead of walking across a little street to Giant to get something decent to eat. I got over to Giant, like, twice a day. It's not difficult. And I don't have cholesterol, blood pressure, or sugar level problems; Mr. L does. His excuse for not walking across a street? "It's too hot." "I'm too exhausted." Yeah, whatever. Bum. But he's not the only lazy one. Many of my other coworkers would rather leave an empty container from donuts or cake (whatever snack was on the lunch room table for the day) sitting on the table than to walk six inches to throw it away. They'll fill the dishwasher with their dirty dishes, no problem, yet not even turn on the stupid thing. Instead of walking about ten feet down the hall to ask someone a question, they call their extension. My mom and grandma are culprits of this one. Oh, and the hardest thing for them to endure is the pain walking up the steps when the elevator is broken. Get a life or a better set of legs, people. Exercise isn't that bad for you, you know.

One last pet peeve I can think of: constantly interrupting someone while working to tell them something or share something that can wait until later. It's fine to have conversations across the cubicle walls and across the hall and stuff, as long as it doesn't totally interfere with the work that needs to be done. Mr. L (again) is a BIG culprit of this problem. I must have him come up to me, like, ten times a day just to bother me. And he bothers me on purpose sometimes, too. Usually he wants to read me something or show me something. However, he expects me to stop what I'm working on, get up, walk six inches around the cube wall, to SEE him reading to me. I don't understand, I needed to stop what I was doing to WATCH him read me something? Again, he's not the only one that does this, but it's really annoying when someone constantly bugs you because they either a) don't want to work, b) are on THEIR break, c) just want to talk for a while, d) expect everyone to stop what they're doing just to hear O Royal One speak, or e) doing it for spite. So yeah, just watch it people. ;)

Happy Independence Day everyone! :D

Actually, it's quite funny for me, a resident in the most restrictive state EVER, to be saying that. It seems this past year a slew of random restrictive laws, banning laws, and what not have been suggested or created. Don't get me wrong, I agree with a few of them, but something like banning Santa Claus in a Christmas parade? I understand that Christmas is the celebration of Christ, however, when they're trying to ban dear old St. Nick because they feel it's discriminatory towards Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, etc., don't you think they'd be smart enough to realize it's a CHRISTMAS PARADE? Stupid politicians. But yeah, happy independence anyway! :)

What Snack Food are YOU? Click here to find out!

Oh yeah, baby, go Chex Mix! :D

Ok, so I forgot what led me to talk about this, but it was something completely random and not related in the slightest. My topic for the night is about living it up and getting what you want, not waiting for it to come to you. So the average human lives to be about 75-78. I just came into my 19th year. That means I've already blown a quarter of my life away not doing exactly what I want. That kind of upsets me. Why did I have to realize this now, and not about 5 or 6 years ago? Oh, wait, I didn't like myself too much then. Whoops! :)

Anyway, my point is, if you are around my age (or shoot, even older), have you done what you've wanted to do. Have you at least taken the first few steps to move towards that goal? One of my big goals is to make a whole bunch of people happy/surprised at the same time by giving a flower to everyone I see. I don't exactly have the funds for that just yet, so I'm starting small. I hope I've made at least one person reading this blog happy during summer...if not, let me know, and I'll be more than happy to try to make you smile!

I think one reason I was thinking about this is because on the radio or TV or something, they were talking about how so many women are waiting to get married or have children until they're older, more settled, have their priorities straight, have their career stabilized, yadda yadda. Oh, that's right, it was in a magazine. :) Anyway, how stupid is that? I once thought that way, just a little bit though. What makes life so great if you try to plan everything out? Nature takes its course, life goes on as it should...who made you the creator of the world and let you alter things as you wish? Sorry, folks, life just doesn't work out that way.

A perfect example of life not working out exactly how you plan is my ASA sister Jess...she wasn't planning on being married until she was out of college. Right now she's 21, is an upcoming college senior, and is married to a really great guy, who was also my hall director this past year. Life doesn't always flow the direction you want it to, but it can still turn out alright.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't wait until you're just a little older to do something. Do it now, if time allows it. If you've got a free space in bingo, you're going to take it, right? If you've got a free space in life to do something you want, do it. I want to take a mini road trip to somewhere random. I think I may just do that the next summer break I have. I'll be planning it over the next school year, so if this sounds interesting to anyone, lemme know. I have as of now, 3 (well, 4) spots in my car. :) And one day I will get to hand out my flowers. Maybe I'll start a "Trina's Flowers" fund. But I don't want to wait until I'm older anymore.